Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
