I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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