Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
