My friends, they love my intelligence
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
