Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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