How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
