he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
