dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
