Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
