dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
