I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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