How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Randomize
