im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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