Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
