end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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