I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
