and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
