you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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