I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
