Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
