apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
