do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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