i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
