id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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