Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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