my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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