so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
When did we convert life to cartoon?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
