Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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