i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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