after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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