so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
