Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
