im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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