The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
