Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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