i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
