i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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