Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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