I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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