she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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