shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
