You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
