my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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