You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize