Well douche your snatch and let's go!
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I think your dad took our porno
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
