It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
wow bdsm is so cute
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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