Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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