I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
