i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
