If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize