Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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