whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
