Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
