Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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