am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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