we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I did not marry a roomba.
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