Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
