She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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