I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
