Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
