i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
