I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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