Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
