I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
