I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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