Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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