After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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