Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
