i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
