I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
